MEMBERS CLUB (2024)

3 stars

Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment. Digital Platforms 21st October

We seem to have a tradition in the U.K. of creating small scale, low budget, often unambitious horror comedies which will probably only ever play here, rather than trying to reach a wider audience. Now whether this is a good or bad thing is open to debate. In MEMBERS CLUB we have a prime example. A sort of horror version of THE FULL MONTY… but nowhere near as good!

A bunch of middle-aged geezers, who probably should know better, are Wet Dreams, a male stripper act – they will hardly give the Chippendales a run for their money. They are Alan (Dean Kilbey), Neil (Perry Benson), Ratboy (Mark Monero) and Carly (David Alexander). When their manager Deano (Liam Noble) books them in as the entertainment at a party for a 12 year old (thinking it was 21 not 12), he decides it is probably time to call it quits.

With a need to pay the bills, Alan decides to take over the business, which might not be the best decision, and is thrilled when the first booking he manages to get proves to be very lucrative. So off they head to the wilds of Essex and Hatfield Peverel. Their first clue that things might not go well should perhaps have been the village signs subtitle: The Home of the Essex Witch Trials! Hilariously, this small enclave is only 15 minutes drive from where I live – maybe I should pop over there!

They end up at your typical community hall and are greeted by the one-eyed former darts champion Blind Brian (Steve Oram, having fun with his character), complete with eyepatch. In the Green Room, they find a great spread of food and are told by their host Joanna (Juliet Cowan, amusingly enthusiastic) that they need to wear the robes and masks provided. Seems odd, but they dutifully agree.

It isn’t long before they learn the true nature of what they have signed up for – as they find themselves tied to chairs, inside a satanic symbol, and faced with a coven of ladies who are determined to bring back a 16th century witch called Agnes. To add insult to injury one of them is Alan’s estranged daughter Daisy (Barbara Smith) alongside her friend Trish (Jade Johnson).

You get the usual lowbrow humour endemic in this kind of Brit production – think fart jokes and an obsession with dicks (I suppose the clue was in the title). That being said the cast are enthusiastic, though the film does dip in energy in the middle. The whole affair is enlivened by the excellent practical effects work, as Agnes appears as an old crone. The notable effects are by Steve Braund with creature design, masks and prosthetics from Mind Magic Studios. There is a left field and comical appearance by Peter Andre as Adonis. Overall this is an entertaining if unmemorable outing.

Steve Kirkham