THE BOATYARD (2025)

3 stars

Reel 2 Reel Films. Digital. 22nd September

A bunch of friends – Chad (Zachary Roosa) and his girlfriend Dana ((Meghan Carrasquilo), Jess (Caitlin Rose) and her girlfriend Brandy (Amy Byrd), plus Franklin (Jamal R. Averett) – are excitedly getting ready and meeting up down at the harbour to board Chad’s boat. They set off, with the usual vacuous dialogue between them. It is a time for drinking, sun, sex and snorting drugs. They don’t seem annoying in the slightest.

Heading for an island, they find themselves adrift when the motor won’t kick over. Thankfully the radio works and they manage to contact someone, who helpfully tows them to shore before a storm hits. Their rescuer, Barry (Mike Ferguson) is an old sea dog, covered in tattoos, and seems friendly enough, if a bit cantankerous and creepy. He even offers them a place to crash, as he needs a couple of days to mend their boat.

To keep partying, the friends visit the sketchy bar to get food and drink – the locals are strange and the burgers (“we serve them rare”) taste weird. Later Chad, who is a bit of an a’hole, has an argument with Dana. She goes for a walk on her own and ends up kidnapped and slung into a prison cell. This is just the start of their problems, as they are picked off one by one…

In articles about this film, much has been made about it being some kind of progressive and inclusive production, supposedly the first in a possible franchise, as it includes characters from the LGBTQ+ community. Whilst that may be true, it is ultimately just a cliched horror, with no sense of tension, poor dialogue, so so acting, annoying people and an obvious twist (ooh I wonder what the burgers are made from, can you guess).

Steve Kirkham