SHIVER ME TIMBERS (2025) Review by Steve Kirkham

SHIVER ME TIMBERS (2025)
3 stars
Reel 2 Reel Films. Digital. 2nd June

The opening screen claims it’s based on real people, real events and real murders! Honest it is…

April 12th 1986. A mum and daughter walking in a field – when the youngster screams, as she has seen the aftermath of a killing. There are quick cuts of mutilated body parts a la the opening of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE, including the sound of flash bulbs going off. Because that’s still a thing isn’t it? Trust me this film doesn’t come close to that classic.

Cut to 24 hours earlier. A trio – Castor Oyl (Brendan Nelson), his girlfriend Cylinda (Niamh Parrington) and his sister Olive Oyl (Amy Mackie) are driving in the middle of nowhere – when they nearly run over an old guy who looks like an emaciated Popeye (David Hallows). They are meeting up with friends to observe Halley’s Comet which is returning after 76 years. Plus drink beers, smoke pot, listen to music and have sex as the sun sets and night falls. They sit around the campfire and shoot the breeze, whilst waiting for the meteor shower.

The old boy they nearly ran over is out on the water fishing. Following the meteor shower he is affected by some sort of force and becomes a buffed up killer Popeye (now played by Tony Greer). Before long people are being gorily killed by our murderous sailor man. Plenty of splatter, much of it CGI, with little subtlety on show.

Plundering public domain cartoon characters seems to be a thing at the moment with horror filmmakers – this is one of three horrors exploiting E.C. Segar’s Popeye, which first appeared in 1929 in a comic strip called ‘Thimble Theatre’ – the others being POPEYE’S REVENGE and POPEYE THE SLAYER MAN.

Supposedly set in Northern California this was actually shot in the U.K. Despite its mercifully short running time, scenes play for too long and feature mediocre acting. If you are an undemanding fan of gore you might get some enjoyment out of this.

Steve Kirkham