Stitches (2012) DVD/BLU-RAY

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Out Now. Kaleidoscope. Certificate: 18.

“Fuck me, clown!” To be taken depending on whether you’re a coulorophobe or coulorophile, a clown-hater or lover respectively. Here, it’s probably the latter, as a lass is taken roughly from behind by one Richard ‘Stitches’ Grindle (Ross Noble), a genuinely foul children’s entertainer, both in his language and half-arsed act of pulling pennies from ears and shaping phallic balloon animals. But tragedy strikes at a birthday party, when the bored little bleeders tie his oversized shoes together and the cantankerous funnyman goes arse over lapel flower, impaling his skull on the cutlery basket of an open dishwasher. Ouch. Stitches required.